So, the holidays continue and a few bits and pieces have happened but I’ve decided to circle back because I know what you’re all really interested in.

How is Legoland with River? Well, sit back, grab a cold glass of something and enjoy the rollercoaster that was.

We were very fortunate to be given tickets by a local autism charity for the four of us to travel by coach and go to Legoland. I always thought it would be somewhere I would have taken Summer to but, as she got to the age where she would enjoy it, River was born. I delayed it so I could take them both and, well, I’m sure you can guess what happened next.

For this reason, this was all of our first outing to Legoland. In fact, our first theme park.

The night before I found a video on YouTube and we all watched it, one of those walkthrough ones where they show you from the entrance, all through the park and each ride in order. I always try to find these videos where possible. It makes me feel calmer about the day if not everything is unknown. I do kind of judge the people that make them… but I’m also incredibly grateful!

The morning arrived and Kike was getting the kids ready while I was organising the bags. Kike has only been to one theme park and that was with me, not with children. He was starting the day out of his depth.

I found the travel sickness pills, sick bags, plasters, two changes of clothing, towel, wipes and Calpol (you never know). Two food bags; one cold featuring cheese, yoghurts, chicken and fruit and one dry with rice cakes, crisps, brioches and all the usual snacks.

The pre-booked taxi arrived to take us to the coach and off we went.

Both kids were very excited. We got out of the taxi and straight onto the coach. Summer ran upstairs before I could stop her. The journey was fine, no one was sick and River went into his sleepy state which he does when he’s travelling and doesn’t like it. Coaches are never particularly relaxing at the best of times. A coach filled with children with different disabilities was never going to be quiet but honestly, I’ve been on much worse!

The excitement heightened when Summer started spotting the brown Legoland signs and River woke up shouting at the window. We were taken to the entrance and after a small amount of admin confusion we could finally go in and were presented with access passes.

For those that don’t know, access passes are given to people with various disabilities allowing them faster queuing times as they are more often than not unable to stand or wait. It’s all on an app now, so when you arrive at a ride you scan a code and then present it to the attendant. You then have to wait a certain amount of time before you can use it again and this time increases the more you use it to keep it fair.

Having this was a huge relief. I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do with River in the height of the summer holidays. The place was packed.

We set off down a hill where there were little slides you could go down. He really wanted to, but they had been closed due to the high temperatures and the UK’s decision to always make slides out of the hottest material known to man.

This was our first hiccup but, honestly, a quick recovery. Luckily there was so much distraction that he bounced back very quickly.

We arrived at our first stop, a fire truck interactive ride.

“Fire truck!”

Well… why not?

I used the app (it didn’t work) but the attendant came and let us in after about a minute. Great.

We walked towards fire truck number four as instructed and waited outside those little metal gates that rides have that open when the ride begins.

I mean, you and I know that… but this was all new to our little boy.

He pulled and pushed at the gate desperate to get to the truck.

I calmly tried to explain that we had to wait for the ride to start.

“NO RIDE! NO START!”

I looked at Kike.

He shrugged.

An alarm went off and the doors opened. Summer ran through them and onto the truck.

The ride basically consists of going on the truck, operating a pump to make it move towards the ‘fire’, getting out and using the hose (which also needs pumping) to put the fire out before returning to the start in your truck.

The three other trucks were already off putting out their fires. We were still at the start because River was lying on the floor screaming, having not noticed the doors had in fact opened. Once he finally realised, he was straight up and onto the truck. Kike and I quickly began operating the pump so we could catch up with the others, as Summer was loudly instructing us to do.

For some reason though, River did not like us doing this and began screaming at us to stop. We couldn’t stop because we had to get to the fire, so we just kept pumping through the screams. We eventually made the fifteen-metre journey and Summer hopped off, grabbed the hose and started spraying. River immediately stopped screaming, jumped off and grabbed the other one.

Kike and I were left pumping again… this time the water. (Who designed this ride?)

Summer dutifully aimed her hose at the open window. River aimed his directly at the floor and refused to move it.

As we were so late we didn’t have long before the alarm sounded again and we were instructed back onto the truck.

No.

This was not acceptable.

River ran.

I bolted after him before he could get knocked down by one of the other fire trucks, grabbed him and threw him into ours while Summer and Kike pumped us back to the start.

I carried him out screaming and hitting me.

First ride done.

Only five more hours.

You just keep going

The second ride was a balloon ride, one of those slow little children’s ones where you pull on a rope and the balloon goes up, let go and the balloon goes down. This time we had to wait about eight minutes. It was a struggle but the snacks came out.

We all got on and all was well for the first couple of minutes. Summer loved pulling the rope and River found it fascinating that we were going up. He was even smiling.

Then he decided he didn’t like the rope anymore.

Or the noise it made.

I have two children and I do genuinely try to be fair.

“Summer, you can have two more goes with the rope and then River gets his choice.”

“But Mum, he won’t do it and we won’t go high.”

“Summer, my love, I’m trying my best here. Half the time each.”

A loud sigh.

Two enthusiastic tugs later we were as high as the balloon would go, accompanied by River’s screams.

The rope was handed to River and, as predicted, he simply let go.

Down we came.

The last two minutes of the ride were spent happily travelling round at the bottom while every other balloon floated at the top, much to the puzzlement of the waiting crowd and the annoyance of Summer.

Four hours and forty-five minutes to go.

Kike is a pretty straightforward guy. He loves his family and that is the one and only reason he is there. The one thing that can turn my usually amicable husband into something a little more… brisk… is hunger.

I’d packed plenty of children’s snacks.

Not husband ones.

We stopped for chips, a sit down in the shade and a drink. We are still in the middle of our two-month-long heatwave. After some actual food and the final acceptance that they did not sell energy drinks, he accepted his fate and we carried on.

Next stop, the boats.

Now, for all those people who believe that “everyone has a disability these days”, you might just be right because the access queue was very busy.

Phone deployed. Lots of soothing. Very hard work.

I almost gave in but we kept going and, by the time we eventually got there (about twenty minutes later) with both shoes, I was quietly impressed with myself.

River and I took one boat, Summer and Kike another.

You press a pedal to make the boat move and steer with the wheel. Apparently it was not meant to be that simple.

River didn’t like the noise the pedal made.

“THE BOAT IS GOING CRAZY!”

He also didn’t like me touching the steering wheel.

A small battle commenced as I attempted to stop us crashing while also making sure he didn’t fall into the water.

I won one of those battles.

A Lego plant suddenly spoke.

“Please use the wheel to keep moving.”

One arm holding down a screaming child and the other attempting a three-point turn in a tiny Lego boat was not quite the relaxing ride I’d imagined.

Eventually I got us pointing in the right direction.

Then, all of a sudden, he stopped. He sat back in his chair, smiled and quietly said,

“This is nice.”

Yes. Yes River. It is.

We looked at all the moving Lego figures and it was the first time all day that I actually allowed my shoulders to drop. I looked across and saw Kike looking considerably less impressed with Summer’s driving, but she was beaming.

This is what we do it for.

Circle 10

We jumped off the ride and, on a bit of a high, headed straight to the Halloween house that he’d spotted from the boat. This has to be a win.

Of course the app stopped working.

How do I explain that?

It was very hot, both children wanted to go in but I couldn’t scan us in and, looking at the queue, that simply wasn’t going to happen. Kike took my phone, which annoyed me, turned it off and on again.

River was losing it and all the happiness from the boat ride was rapidly evaporating.

I pleaded with Kike to make him stop but he insisted he was fixing the phone.

“You turned it off and on again. I could have done that!” I snapped.

He glared at me.

We were both running on empty.

The app magically came back to life before divorce lawyers could be Googled and we entered the haunted house.

It was a massive hit but also a very strange ride. There was a lot of spinning, which I absolutely cannot handle these days. When I was younger I loved spinning rides but since having children… absolutely not. I may have closed my eyes for a large part of it.

Back on a high, we spotted our next ride immediately, a submarine.

It was brilliant. The short queue took us through a little aquarium and, although River still couldn’t really manage queuing and kept trying to squeeze past other families, there was just enough to look at to keep him occupied so the screaming was much shorter.

Once we were on the submarine it was lovely. So calm. We looked out at the Lego divers as we searched for Atlantis. There are real fish and sharks in there too (which Kike was strangely worried about their welfare) and it really does make the ride feel special.

Honestly, with the air conditioning and looking out through the water, I could actually feel the stress melting away.

We stepped off feeling re-energised.

I knew we were running low on drinking water and Kike definitely wanted some actual food, so we spotted a castle and thought that looked promising. We walked along a scorching hot boardwalk only to discover that the castle was in fact a hotel.

Closed.

This was not the news River wished to hear.

“THE CASTLE! I WANT THE CASTLE!”

Sadly this became the toughest part of the day. He was hot, tired and overwhelmed. He’d seen a castle, we’d walked towards a castle and now he couldn’t go into the castle.

We managed to get him a little further away where it looked like there was food but it turned out just to be a bar and even I’m not that stupid.

Kike and I decided it was finally worth paying the £16 for the refill cup, but of course every machine we found was out of order.

We left empty handed.

Even I was desperately thirsty by this point and catching sight of the castle again meant game over.

The biggest meltdown of the day.

He lay on the boardwalk screaming and crying. Every time we tried to touch him it got worse. All we could do was watch until we realised it was simply too hot to leave him there.

Kike slung him over his shoulder and, whilst being kicked in the face, carried him to the shade where I sat with him until he calmed down.

This one wasn’t going to be fixed quickly.

I sent Kike and Summer off to look around while I stayed where we were. By now he’d stopped screaming and was just gently sobbing and saying sorry. I held him until he became very quiet. His little zone out. I knew he’d reached his limit but I also knew he’d be alright.

We sat together in silence until he quietly said,

“I’m thirsty.”

That was still a problem because we’d failed spectacularly on the water front but then I suddenly remembered I’d packed an apple juice.

Problem breifly solved.

Kike and Summer had wandered off so River suddenly darted into the magical forest. Energy completely restored, he ran all the way through with me chasing after him until he came out the other side and immediately spotted his next ride.

‘Flight of the Sky Lion.’

Unfortunately we had no idea where Kike and Summer were so I had to make him sit down and wait.

His favourite activity…

Eventually we found each other and joined the queue.

Thirst immediately became an issue again. We’d managed to fill our expensive cup but only with fizzy drinks. Kike filled one of the bottles with ice and, luckily, I carry emergency squash drops everywhere. We let several families go ahead of us while the ice slowly melted and he calmed down enough to continue.

We eventually entered the ride and were given our standing positions.

Row B.

Circles 7, 8, 9 and 10.

Fine.

Then the attendant asked if we could manage stairs and moved us to Row C.

Circles 4, 5, 6 and 7.

I didn’t really understand why the numbers mattered.

River did.

When we reached the platform there was quite a long introduction before the ride actually started and he became completely fixated on circle 10. He had to stand in circle 10.

Unfortunately somebody else was already standing there.

He threw himself onto the floor.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

He wasn’t screaming, just protesting, so we all quietly ignored it.

After a couple of minutes the lady standing in circle 10 offered to swap. Part of me wanted to say no because he has to learn that sometimes we can’t always have circle 10. The other part of me knew she’d probably just saved all of our afternoon. So we quietly swapped places.

The ride itself was excellent.

We were strapped into a row of seats and flew through a mythical world. Our seats tilted to make us feel as though we were actually flying.

I immediately felt sick.

Kike spent most of the ride looking genuinely concerned that River was about to fall into the virtual volcano.

The children absolutely loved it. Huge smiles, happy screams and even the water spray from the waterfalls was tolerated.

I looked over and spotted Kike smiling… whilst also closing his eyes for parts.

Turns out he’s just as rubbish at rides as I am.

The Journey Home

Everyone was in high spirits when we left but we all decided it was time for a break. The definition of that break, however, was about to cause conflict.

The kids had been consistently grazing all day from the snack bags so they weren’t hungry, just thirsty. I wasn’t particularly hungry because of my ongoing stomach issues and the heat.

Kike was hungry.

And wanted a proper break.

The problem was we were on the clock. We had to be back at the coach, so there wasn’t time for a nice pub lunch (also there wasn’t a pub). There was, however, a restaurant charging about £70 for the four of us to eat reheated pasta and congealed pizza in what looked like the least sensory-friendly room in Windsor.

Kike had his phone out ready to pay when I declared there was absolutely no way and walked out with the children.

The stare was intense.

I understood though. We’d all reached our limit by then, we’d just reached it in different ways.

We had some quiet time after that. I bought River an overpriced cheese sandwich and sent Kike and Summer off to find something for him. River and I found the quiet zone and, honestly, it was lovely.

The beanbags definitely 100% contained the plague.

In fact, I overheard two of the teenage staff saying head office had instructed them to take them away to be cleaned but people just kept sitting on them.

Nevertheless…

We sat on them.

River and I were still for fifteen minutes.

The other two returned with chicken and chips and we all enjoyed another ten minutes of relative peace before deciding we had time for two more rides.

We headed to an Aztec laser ride we’d seen on the video. Not the greatest ride in the world but the queue had lots to look at and the laser guns provided entertainment and fierce competition for three of us. It took me far too long to realise I was accidentally using River’s gun, so I was convinced someone was cheating on the scores.

I’m far too competitive.

Summer asked if she could go on one of the faster rides and I fancied the log flume, but when I checked the app it showed we still had another hour before we could book another ride.

That’s how the system works.

I explained it to Summer who, although disappointed, completely understood.

River had definitely reached his limit anyway.

It was time to head back.

We were a little early for the coach so I thought we could catch the hill train. Not exactly another ride but close enough.

Could we find it? Of course not.

We walked everywhere and, yes, I asked multiple members of staff who all pointed us in completely different directions.

This eventually led us to the one place I really didn’t want to end up.

The splash park.

I’d packed spare clothes in case we decided to come here.

Not fifteen minutes before we had to leave. Not when it was absolutely packed.

The meltdown was immediate.

At this point I felt so sorry for him. He’d actually coped incredibly well all day. This wasn’t really about the splash park anymore. He was hot, tired and we’d finally reached the thing he’d wanted just as we were telling him it was time to leave. He needed to leave and we were trying, but we just couldn’t get him out quickly enough.

Kike motioned for me to leave with Summer while he dealt with it.

As we hadn’t found the train we slowly started walking back towards the exit.

I turned around to see River being carried over Kike’s shoulder. I offered to take the bag.

“I’ll carry him up the stairs.”

Fair enough. I took over for the last part.

The final hill felt like the last stage of a marathon.

Then, just before the exit, there was a little stream.

That was all it took.

River jumped down, ran alongside it with Summer and suddenly every ounce of joy had returned.

I’m always amazed how quickly he can switch.

We reached the top (and saw that the hill train was actually closed which did bring me joy) and I happily handed him my phone, which by this point had about 10% battery left after spending the entire day running the access app.

Summer and I wandered around the shop where she found something she liked but, when she saw the queue, simply said,

“We’ll just buy it online another time.”

Clever girl.

The coach journey home was hot but River slept for most of it. Traffic held us up a bit but eventually we made it back.

A quick taxi home and we all collapsed onto the sofas.

Absolutely exhausted.

I discovered this morning that I’d left my key in the front door, which I feel is a pretty good indication of just how tired we all were.

Even Kike chose to go to bed at 9.30, which is unheard of, and was asleep by 9.45.

My brain doesn’t switch off quite so easily, but I was more than happy to lie there, keep still and let my body twitch away the day.

So, how was Legoland you ask?

Before I started writing this evening I think I would have just said, “Exhausting.”

And it was.

But that’s exactly why I still write this blog.

If I hadn’t sat down and written today, I think I would have remembered the queues, the heat and the meltdowns.

Instead, I’ve remembered River quietly saying, “This is nice” as we floated around in the little Lego boats. I’ve remembered him flying through the volcano with the biggest smile on his face. I’ve remembered him running alongside the stream with Summer as though the previous twenty minutes had never happened.

Maybe that’s what I’ve got wrong all these years.

I keep thinking a successful day out is one where nothing goes wrong.

It isn’t.

Things went wrong all day.

The app stopped working. We couldn’t find water. The castle wasn’t a castle. We missed things. We got frustrated with each other. Everyone had moments where they’d simply had enough.

And yet…

We still had a good day.

A couple of years ago I don’t think I would even have considered taking River to a theme park. Yesterday we spent six hours in one.

Not perfectly.

But we did it and Summer said “It was the best day ever!”