Celebrating Two Cultures

So a busy day yesterday as we were off to the Latino Festival.

Kike is Colombian and I try to make sure Summer and River learn about their mixed culture. Summer didn’t really get it when she was younger but, after a few trips back and the rise in popularity of Latino films and music recently, she’s realising it’s actually pretty cool to be a Latina. River… well, he’s still not accepting the fact that he’s five, so I don’t think dual heritage is going to be understood just yet, even with the best social story.

For the past four years a Latino Festival has been held in one of our local parks. The first couple of years Summer wore her Colombian dress with all the colours of the flag. She looked adorable. Sadly, that no longer fits and we need to update her football shirt, so this year she went in her Eurovision T-shirt, which I obviously approved of. River now gets the football shirt and Kike has his own custom one.

Off we went and met up with friends of ours, one Colombian and one French, along with their daughter, before attempting to get into the festival.

The line was very long because they didn’t open on time. I was a little anxious because River struggles with queues. He doesn’t like walking back on himself. He’d seen the entrance and wasn’t going to walk past it just to come back again, if that makes sense.

Luckily, we didn’t have to wait long. One of the staff spotted us and quietly let us through a VIP entrance, which I was very grateful for. It was such a small gesture, but it completely changed how our day started. Sometimes accessibility isn’t about huge adjustments; it’s simply about someone noticing what a family needs and making one small change.

Too Noisy

You could hear the drums as you entered the park and they only got louder. I immediately regretted not bringing his ear defenders. Sometimes he likes them, other times he says they hurt his ears, so I never quite know what’s for the best. I’m trying to teach him to use his hands instead, as they’ll always be there. It feels like a more sustainable coping strategy than relying on ear defenders every time.

We headed to the spot we always go to by the children’s area, where a local entertainer was setting up. River has been really engaged with him before, so my hopes were high that he’d have just as much fun again.

It didn’t quite go to plan.

We managed to secure a picnic bench while Summer and her friend went straight off to do the scavenger hunt. I gently tried to coax River over to the children’s area.

A firm no.

“It’s too noisy.”

He put his head into my lap.

We sat there for a few minutes and I hoped he would reset, but I could tell he was just getting more agitated. I gave him my phone and he was happy and settled.

Then I went off and got some margaritas so I could feel happy and settled too.

They have a parade at the beginning of the festival where all the different countries dress in traditional clothing, play music and wave their flags proudly. It’s always lovely to watch, but it really is loud. This year they decided to stop directly in front of our bench and the drumming continued for about an hour. Normally it’s fairly quiet when the festival first opens, but this year the place seemed to fill up quickly.

Giving It One More Try

The girls happily enjoyed the magic show, which Summer has watched every year, before moving on to the crafts.

I decided to give it another shot.

I asked River if he wanted to watch the magic. He shook his head, but I picked him up and edged a little closer.

He screamed and clung to me like a little koala bear.

Instead of forcing him to sit with the other children, I stopped by the craft tables and let him sit down on it. He had his back to the show and refused to turn around. I tried pointing out the Mexican wrestlers in their costumes and the ladies dancing, but he wasn’t interested.

So I stopped trying.

Instead, I silently started putting pasta shapes into an empty bottle to make one of the shakers. He watched me, stopped shaking his head, then took the bottle and carefully filled it to the top himself. He asked me to decorate it with tape before tipping all the pasta back out and simply moving his hands around the tray, enjoying the sensation.

That became his activity.

He looked around twice at the show but it was still too busy for him. When the foam cannons went off he smiled and shouted, “IT’S SNOWING!”

For a second I wondered if things might have changed.

When I asked if he wanted to go into the foam, he simply put his arms up for me to carry him and asked to go back to the bench.

I was a little disappointed.

When Expectations Meet Reality

I think people sometimes assume that once your child has a diagnosis, or you’ve learnt more about autism, that disappointment disappears. It doesn’t. I still picture him joining in with the magic show, dancing to the music and running through the foam with the other children. The difference now is that I don’t let my disappointment become his problem.

I’ve learnt not to push.

This year, it just wasn’t going to work.

Actually, when I stopped and thought about it, he’d done something that probably wouldn’t have happened a couple of years ago. He’d recognised that it was too noisy, he’d told me exactly what was wrong and he’d asked to go somewhere he felt safe. That’s progress, even if it doesn’t look like the sort of progress other people expect.

He went back to Kike and the comfort of his bench while I spent some time with Summer.

We didn’t stay much longer after that. The crowds were building and people were starting to muscle in around our bench. We left and retreated to a nearby pub garden where River was much more relaxed. He happily played with the girls and his new Squishy 67 toy. There really is so much rubbish you can buy these days.

We ended the day smiling.

Home, football and bed.

A Day to Reset

Today has been completely screen-filled.

I have not stopped in weeks and neither have the children. I put the TV on this morning and River watched television, played on his iPad, played with his birthday slime and had the best day. I didn’t even make him get dressed.

Summer had a playdate which mainly consisted of talking about Michael Jackson and ordering sushi, so she was very happy.

And me?

I attempted a bit of cleaning.

Very half-heartedly.

But mainly I watched a TV series on my phone whilst playing a silly merge game, and it was great.

Not all days have to be filled with ‘moments’ or situations that test everybody. Yesterday required all of us to regulate ourselves in different ways. River needed his phone. Summer needed time with her friend. I apparently needed a margarita. Today we all just needed a day where very little was expected of any of us.

I have to remember to pace myself this summer. There’s no point burning out before we’ve really got going.

That said… I probably should take them for a walk tomorrow.