Birthday Negotiations

For those of you who’ve been reading from the beginning (thank you), you’ll know we’ve had an interesting relationship with birthdays.

Last year, River refused to acknowledge his birthday. He wouldn’t let me say “Happy Birthday”, sing to him or even give him a cake. I was sad until I realised it wasn’t about me. It was his birthday and he spent it doing exactly what he wanted to do.

This year, we’ve been talking about it a bit more and he seemed much keener. There’s still the small issue of when exactly his birthday is, but to be fair, that’s quite age appropriate.

We talked about what present he might like and he immediately started talking about a robot.

That’s fine, I thought. I can get him a little toy robot. One that dances or something.

I looked up a few children’s robots and showed them to him.

“No! That’s not Eilik!”

Ok…

I showed him another one.

“Look River, this one can talk.”

He rolled his eyes, laughed at me and sighed.

“No Mummy… that’s not Eilik.”

I tried one more time with a robot that turned into a car.

He looked at me, completely puzzled, darted his eyes to the side and scrunched up his face.

“Eilik has a round face.”

He was trying to describe his robot so I’d stop choosing the wrong one.

Summer came to the rescue, as always, and explained that this was a very particular robot he’d been watching online. Together we found it.

Eilik turned out to be a desktop companion robot, originally designed to keep adults company.

I stared at the screen thinking, This can’t possibly be the one.

I showed it to River.

“YES! Eilik! My robot!”

Well… apparently it was.

It wasn’t marketed for children, but into my basket it went, along with Minecraft-style magnetic blocks, reusable water balloons, Halloween slime and his favourite characters, Tyler and Snowie.

Then we waited for the big day.

Happy Birthday… Maybe

The day before, Kike and I picked up a few last-minute bits as River still seemed happy talking about his birthday.

I asked if he’d like a birthday cake.

Still a firm no.

Banana bread it was.

We bought balloons, candles, a birthday book and Summer decorated the chalkboard with a giant rainbow birthday message.

Rainbow is his favourite colour.

The morning arrived and, as usual, I was summoned.

“Mum, am I awake?” I opened the door.

“Yes.”

He hopped out of bed and read the chalkboard.

“Happy Birthday River. Love Summer, Mummy and Daddy.”

He smiled to himself.

“Happy Birthday,” I said.

“NO!”

Then he wandered off to the bathroom to continue his usual morning routine.

My heart sank a little, but I didn’t dwell on it.

Once he’d settled I tried again.

“It’s your birthday today.”

“NOOO!”

“Ok… if it’s not your birthday, I suppose I’ll have to take your presents back to the present shop.”

Eyes widened.

Thinking.

Head tilt.

Then, very slowly…

“It’s my birthday…

I get presents.”

“Yes River. It’s your birthday and you get presents on your birthday.”

“IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!”

Excellent news. I’m pleased we got that sorted.

The Minecraft magnets were a huge hit and the screams of delight when he opened Tyler and Snowie absolutely made my morning.

I kissed my very happy birthday boy goodbye and headed off to work.

Birthday Surprises

After a fun day teaching Year 6, I was just getting ready to leave when I received the phone call every parent dreads.

“Is that River’s mum? River hasn’t been collected from school.”

My stomach dropped.

Every possible disaster flashed through my head in about two seconds.

I was confused because River is never collected from nursery. He goes to after-school club every day.

I asked where he was.

“He’s asleep in nursery with his teachers.”

I threw on my backpack and hurried across to school. By the time I arrived I was hot, sweaty and completely out of breath.

The nursery staff smiled.

“Breathe. Everything’s alright.”

I walked into the beautifully air-conditioned room and they brought me my sleepy, grumpy little boy, sporting a very red face.

Thankfully, it turned out to be paint.

They told me he’d allowed them to sing Happy Birthday. He’d even worn the birthday hat, for approximately thirty seconds. Sadly, not long enough for a photo.

He also remained adamant that he wasn’t five. He was four.

But I’m absolutely calling that a win.

We had a cuddle and I tried a small “Happy Birthday.”

“No.”

Fair enough.

The suggestion of going to the pub, however, was much better received. Off we went for juice, crisps and some quality time with Mummy’s phone.

Energy restored.

Celebrations resumed.

Eilik

Back at home we got ready for the ‘party’, which consisted of three extra people.

Emma, Kiran and, of course, his beloved Sadie.

Summer gave him another present featuring reusable water balloons, which were a huge success.

The bubble gun was another hit.

I realised he hadn’t actually eaten dinner yet, so it was time for a quiet Halloween slime break.

Then came the main event. Eilik.

He recognised the box immediately.

“Eilik! Is that you? Are you in there?”

It was one of those moments you wish you could bottle forever.

Seeing him genuinely excited about a toy, kissing it, chatting to it and immediately making it part of his world was just lovely.

Feeling rather overconfident after such a successful afternoon, I decided to take a gamble.

Banana bread. One candle. What could possibly go wrong?

Summer went outside to make sure everyone stayed quiet. I walked out singing.

“Happy Birthday to you…”

“NOOOOO!”

“No birthday, No singing!” as he ran away.

I immediately stopped. No dramatic speeches. No trying to convince him. I wasn’t about to ruin an otherwise wonderful day over one song.

“It’s not birthday cake,” I reassured him. “It’s just banana bread.”

He paused. Slowly walked over. Looked at it.

Quietly sang one line of Happy Birthday to himself.

Blew out the candle.

Then ran away again.

Good enough for me.

I removed the candle, cut him a slice and everything returned to normal.

Soon he was happily trying to persuade Eilik to share his banana bread.

Our guests went home, River retreated to the living room with his new best friend and I sat there feeling incredibly happy with how the day had gone.

Success Looks Different

Compared to last year, it felt like a completely different birthday.

He told me exactly which present he wanted and even explained why I kept choosing the wrong robots. He was excited to open his presents, proudly announced that it was his birthday (once we’d established birthdays come with presents) and spent the evening happily interacting with Eilik.

He still insists he’s four.

He still doesn’t want everyone singing to him.

But that’s the funny thing about parenting River. The milestones rarely look the way I imagined they would.

Last year, I realised his birthday wasn’t about me. This year, I leaned into it

We celebrated in a way that made him happy, and in the end that’s all I’d wanted all along.

I can’t wait to see what five… sorry, four… brings.

Make sure you find someone who looks at you the way River looks at Eilik.