Day 49: Back to Nursery

Midnight Cleaning Fantasies

So, I didn’t end up going to sleep, obviously. A bit of scrolling turned into browsing cleaning websites. I’ve said for ages I need a cleaner. It’s just another job that needs doing and rarely gets done. We’re not messy but the house never gets a proper deep clean and it’s starting to make me feel sad.

I’m going to book a proper one. Steam the mattresses, sofas, curtains, make the house sparkle again. A reset before the colder months creep in. We’ve spent the summer outside in our lovely garden, which is the part we love most about our home. The inside is… compact (London, remember) and when the weather turns, it can feel a bit claustrophobic. We make the best of it and with everyone back to school and work we’re hardly in it anyway. But still, a fresh clean might even inspire me to paint the wall I’ve been threatening to paint since Kike brought the tin home four months ago.

A Dry Start & a Big Milestone

The morning started dry! That alone felt like a small miracle. The night of tears over the missing bottle worked, though I still feel bad for him.

Everyone was up this morning, bathroom rotation in full swing, breakfasts made, uniforms on. Yes, you read that right: Everyone. Because River is back to Nursery!

Now, before anyone says it, I may have made a slight miscalculation when counting his days off. But come on. Day 49! Day 50 will give me the neat little bow to reflect on everything we’ve been through. Let’s just pretend I planned it that way.

Anyway, back to the point. Out came River’s ‘uniform.’ It’s Nursery and a very understanding one at that, so uniform is a generous word. Blue jogging bottoms, a white T-shirt and the school’s jumper. That’s the deal.

I came out of the shower to a very loud and clear, “NO JUMPER! NO NURSERY!” I told Kike to let the jumper go but he’s more persistent than me. And to be fair, River does need someone to be firmer sometimes. Jumper on, socks and crocs, breakfast eaten (still annoyed I won’t serve him rice but grudgingly eating his fruit). I gave him a kiss. “Mummy go to work!” he instructed. There’s your healthy attachment.

Summer runs to hug me at the door, I wish her a happy day and I’m gone.

The First Update

At work I wonder how everything went. At break time I check my phone. Nothing. I cave and message: How did it go? Was it busy? Was he OK? Did he shout?

Finally, a reply: He went in happy. He wet his trousers on the toilet at home so he’s wearing his spare clothes.

Classic Kike, straight to the point, no extra detail. My brain, of course, immediately latches onto the spare clothes issue. What if he wets those? Then what? But I pull myself back and focus on the only part that really matters: He went in happy.

No crying. No running away. No clinging to Daddy. Happy. And really, that’s all I ever want.

Pick-Up Butterflies

I finish work and head to collect him from after-school club, stomach fluttering. Because we don’t pick him up from Nursery directly, we don’t get the usual handover. No cheery “he ate well today” or “he didn’t nap.” Nothing. Just the mystery of how his day actually went.

What clothes could he be in by now? Did he remember after-school club from before the holidays, or did he get sad thinking he was going home with the other children?

I grab his pushchair and walk through to the pick-up area. The staff spot me: “She’s here!” I’ve heard that many times before, usually followed by a tear-streaked / screaming child being handed over.

But this time I see him running around the hall, laughing. “River, Mummy’s here!” someone calls. He spots me and yells, “MUMMY! IT’S MY MUMMY!” He barrels towards me, flings himself into my arms and shouts, “I LOVE HIDE AND SEEK!”.

He’s in home clothes, pants, no bag. I’ll let Kike off, it’s the first day back. No notes. No concerns. Just smiles. And a little boy who wants to go home.

Evening with River

We scoop up Summer and head home, where dinner is already on the table. Kike fills me in: River went happily into Nursery, found his name, put it on his peg, went straight to his special spinning chair and said, “Bye Bye Daddy. Go to work!”

Later, Kike and Summer head to jiu-jitsu, leaving just me and River. The day has caught up with me and I’m shattered. We snuggle up with CBeebies before bedtime.

Lots of tears again as I hold firm on the no-bottle rule, but eventually he settles. I think he had a sneaky nap at Nursery because bedtime doesn’t last long. He’s soon back up. I’m not turning the TV back on so he can sit with his books, mumbling the words, making me repeat them for comfort.

I don’t mind. I like listening to him. Last night I found a video from this time last year, his words were just high-pitched sounds, repeating the alphabet on a loop. Tonight he’s whispering stories, piecing together language. The progress floors me.

A Happy Day

It’s time for at least one person to go to bed and that’s me. It’s only Tuesday. And I know not every day will be like this. There will be rainy days, sick days, “I don’t want to go” days, angry days. But Day 1 of Nursery was good.

Today was a happy day.

Well done, River.