The Day Begins (Far Too) Early
The day began bright and early at 5.30am, yep, our flight wasn’t till 2pm but that’s not going to stop River. Kike gets up with him, puts on Mutant Turtles and tries to sneak back to bed… but the noise has already awoken Summer, who happily launches herself onto me.
“Are we going on holiday?”
“Not yet, darling.”
“Oh ok. Can I have my iPad?”
“Yes.”
I lie in bed until 7.30am before swapping with Kike so he can go back to bed for a bit. Then it’s the usual holiday prep: emptying the fridge, taking out the bins, doing the dishwasher and then announcing loudly to everyone that no one is allowed to eat anything that requires a plate.
River and I take a quiet, eyes-open nap watching a mesmerising YouTube video of coloured balls being poured into different containers. And before we knew it… it was time to go.
Packing, Plans, and One More Passenger
Two suitcases, three backpacks, a pushchair and the four of us walk to the tube. It’s a good job Kike owns a gym.
The tube journey is calm, the kids are used to the underground. Apart from River’s excited screams (“FAST!” “TUNNEL!”), all goes smoothly… until my phone rings.
Unknown number.
“Hello?”
“Oh hello, I’m calling from Heathrow – British Airways. I’m with your mother. She’s forgotten her phone and doesn’t know where to meet you.”
Right.
“I’ll walk her to Café Nero and you can meet her there.”
“Great, thank you.”
So yes, my mum is accompanying us on our little break. She’s had a rough time lately and I thought she could use a change of scenery. She used to help a lot with Summer when she was small, but after COVID, things shifted. Her confidence dropped, her health took a hit and she began caring for my (recently passed) Grandma. She visited less and when she did, she found River’s care overwhelming. Understandably, not many people volunteer to look after River. She won’t be helping much on this trip with his day to day care but hopefully she’ll get to enjoy being around the kids in a warmer, more relaxed setting.
Airport Chaos: Part One
We find her outside Café Nero, clearly upset about the phone. “It’ll be fine,” I reassure her. “Let’s just get through check-in.”
Unfortunately, my pre-planning… did not go to plan.
We go to the Special Assistance desk, but there’s only one person on check-in, so the queue takes forever. I deploy the whole bag of Haribo just to keep River calm. Bags dropped, but now Mum needs a wheelchair and River is bouncing in the pushchair, screaming to “GO TO AIRPORT!” (Yes, we’re already at the airport, but I’m in no mood to argue semantics.)
Security Shenanigans
Security. We go to the “special” line but it merges with the same general queue and River’s patience has completely evaporated.
Screaming. Flat-out on the floor. He wants to run through the scanner.
Eventually, I pick him up and walk through… and set off the alarm. Of course.
Staff are kind and understanding. River is wearing his lanyard and I explain he won’t tolerate being touched. They try their best, smiley and gentle. Kike, naturally, is being searched (when isn’t he?). I wait for a handover, which River doesn’t enjoy. Then I realise, I’ve still got my phone in my pocket.
Rookie error. (After all my – I’m a traveller chat!)
I have to go back, queue again, echoing screams of “MUMMY!!” bouncing off the walls. I swallow my British politeness and ask to pop my phone through. Staff clear the way. The crowd clocks that the screaming child might stop if I just get through. I walk through. The screaming stops.
Spoons, Spills and Sprints
Kike’s hungry. Of course he is. We’ve got 45 minutes before our gate time, so we do what every British family does in an airport: we head to Spoons. (It’s a pub for anyone that doesn’t know)
Kike eats an entire fish and chips in record time. River, recognising the pub, starts yelling “PIZZA!” so that’s ordered too. In the 30 minutes we sit there:
- Kike leaves to find Summer a straw.
- River declares he needs the potty.
- I sprint with him to the toilet queue.
- River walks straight through it and bangs on all the cubicle doors.
- We sit on the floor (nice) until the cleaner kindly holds a door for us.
- Meanwhile, Summer knocks half a pint of lemonade onto herself and her bag.
- The pizza arrives. It’s too hot. Obviously. And it’s not his pizza.
It’s time to go.
Victory at the Gate (and Beyond)
We arrive at the gate early. And finally, a win.
We board first. And even better, River, amidst all the sensory overwhelm… is out cold. He sleeps through boarding, take-off and most of the flight. Everyone gets a little reset.
Of course he wakes up 30 minutes before landing. But he’s too confused to do much. Until landing:
“OWW! MY EAR!”
Good job I brought the lollipops.
The one meltdown I knew I couldn’t avoid? Disembarking. He did not like waiting to get off. We momentarily lost a shoe, endured a full meltdown and were the last ones off. But on the upside, we got a private bus. Always find the wins.
Hotel (Eventually)
Security in Ibiza was fine, he was fully awake and very mobile. Our pushchair had somehow fallen off the carousel into “no man’s land,” and we were allowed to retrieve it only once the carousel was switched off. So that was extra waiting time we all needed …
We were met by a lovely TUI rep who took River’s pushchair and led us to a private minibus. Lovely.
We all climbed in, Kike happily chatting to the driver in Spanish, Mum sighing gently in the corner, and me just soaking in the relief that we’d made it this far.
And then… I heard it.
A strange noise. Kind of like if a fork got stuck in a blender, or gravel had found its way into the air-con. At first, I tried to ignore it. I mean, I know nothing about cars. If the car is moving and not on fire, I consider it fine.
But the noise got louder. And more rhythmic. And I noticed the driver was gradually turning the music down, little by little, like he was trying to listen more closely to the engine without making a fuss.
And then, hazards on. Pull over.
Kike glanced at me. I gave him a look that said, “Please tell me this isn’t a thing.”
Apparently, it was a thing. Something had “gone into the engine.” No one really explained what that meant but the engine didn’t sound happy,and neither did the driver.
So… we waited. In the heat. On the side of a Spanish road, children in tow, with a Grandma who can’t stand for long and a small boy who’s actually quite happily watching the same youtube short on repeat, very loudly.
To be fair, this is where having a Spanish-speaking partner comes in handy. Kike chatted calmly with the driver and after a brief 20-minute wait (and a few deep breaths from me), a new bus appeared and we were back on our way.
A Room Close to the Chaos (But Maybe That’s Just Right)
We check in. The rooms are nice. They’re right off the main entertainment area, which is probably most people’s idea of hell, but might just work for us. (Let’s see what I’m saying by Monday.)
Summer is currently at a silent disco just a few feet away. Kike is with River in Grandma’s room. And me? I’m writing this.
I need to go now, time to put River to bed. I’ve brought the sensory lights and set up his bed the best I can. The door has bolts, that helps. But I probably won’t sleep too well tonight, not until I know he’s safe through the night and morning.
Maybe a few trips to the all-inclusive bar might help with that…
50 days of River 
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