“The house is quiet. The fridge is empty. And the somewhat empty Google calendar scares me.”

Today was the last day of nursery. No handover, just a quiet end — one minute he was in term-time routine, the next minute we were in summer.

We went to the park to celebrate, because that’s what you’re meant to do, isn’t it? Celebrate.

Other parents gathered on benches and logs, sharing summer plans; holidays, clubs etc. I watched from a distance, walking the edge of the park on our usual loop, the “log circuit” again and again. Round and round. He was happy and I tell myself that’s all the matters but I know I want to be on the logs.

I tried to make him wear shoes. We battled. I lost. But I got the socks back on, and that felt like a win. One small socked victory to protect what is definitely an infected toe. I’ll put cream on it later, once he’s asleep. I can’t do it when he’s awake. He screams “NO GLUE” and we’ll enter bedtime in a crying state.

So, we leave early as there’s too many people and I’ve had the “bye bye park” signalling it’s time to go. Home, bath (Check the toe – not looking good must remember the Savlon once he’s fully asleep), TV and story. Bedtime: Teeth, potty, bed, 2 blankets, puppy, kitten, stars, music, bottle juice. Must keep to the routine. Cleary didn’t work – back up: 2 rice cakes – back to bed.

---

How I’m Feeling

Tired before I’ve begun. Lonely before the first real day. Unsure how I’m going to stretch myself across 50 long, unstructured days, with little support and not nearly enough spoons (literal or emotional).

I want to be optimistic. I want to be full of plans. But right now, I’m very tired.

---

What I Wish People Knew

“Summer isn’t a break for every family. For some of us, it’s the hardest time of all.”

---

Winning Moment

Some of River’s ‘friends’ from Nursery came and said Hello. He initially thought they were there to steal his Monster Munch and shouted “NO” but after a quick prompt “Say hello to your friends River”, he did say a quiet “Hello” before returning to his crisps.

---

Final Thought

This is the night before. The fridge is empty, the house is quiet, and I already miss the structure I often find exhausting.

But I’m here. River’s here. We’ve done hard things before.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.