So, it’s been a while, apologies for this.

That second part of the spring term, although short, felt busy. I also got sick (spring flu), and I’ve been working on another project which I’ll talk about later.

But for now, it’s the Easter holidays and, sadly, our holiday fund is empty, so we’re staying in the UK.

I’ve realised how far I’ve come because I wasn’t as anxious about this holiday. It’s 15 days and I’ve only booked a handful of things. I think being ill the week before helped, I was mainly just looking forward to resting and not over-planning everything.

Day One: Should Have Brought the Pushchair

So, I started the holidays (my dreaded Mondays) with one of the planned events. We went back to our favourite museum: The Postal Museum. I was late booking so I could get the last slot of the day for their SEND session, which meant we had a slow start but I could sort things out from the weekend.

I messaged Kate late morning asking whether I should take the pushchair and travel by bus and overground or brave the underground without it. She said it’s a long journey and to take the pushchair.

I agreed. And then an hour later completely ignored the advice.

I decided I could do it. Grabbed the bag of snacks. No pushchair. It was like the universe tried to stop me before we even left. As I shut the door, I looked down at Summer, now permanently living in her Lanzarote oversized hoodie which was covered in yesterday’s ketchup stains. I told her to go back in and change (and actually put it in the wash basket), but while she did, River had had enough of waiting and bolted out the front gate, narrowly missing a delivery cyclist. There were screams, Summer ran back out, and I shouted at River for not waiting. He calmly looked at me, lowered his voice, put his hand on my arm and said,

“Calm down mummy, just calm down… Mummy, just breathe.”

I was not in the mood to be calm. But I did laugh. I can’t blame him for repeating my own script back to me, although River, good luck to you if you ever say that to a woman when you’re older.

The Journey

I continued to ignore Kate (and the universe) and carried on. The journey actually went fine for a while. We walked to the station, got on the tube, and River immediately covered his hands in underground filth before sitting and reading all the adverts aloud, much to the amusement of the passengers. They’re never particularly child-friendly. Mostly medical warnings or insurance claims.

Once we went properly underground and it got noisy, he curled into me, and then the lady opposite leaned over to tell me he was fast asleep. Which was helpful… and not. We still had ten stops to go, but now I had to get him off.

At Russell Square I summoned every thigh muscle I don’t have and managed to stand up with River clinging to me like a koala, bag over my shoulder and holding Summer’s hand. We made it off and up the stairs, and of course at the top he woke up completely refreshed and ready to go. After a quick snack and a 15-minute walk, we finally made it.

The Museum

It was exactly the same as last time, the warm welcome, the setup and both kids ran straight into the sorting room and immediately became postal workers in uniform. Kike met us there and laughed at how quickly they took it on. There were a few other families, all of us doing that slightly cautious stand-back, waiting to see which child might become overwhelmed first, but apart from the usual outbursts it was fine.

Then it was time for the Mail Rail. The miniature train that teaches you all about the history of the postal service.

We just missed one, which meant a 15-minute wait, always tricky, but we managed. It was interesting watching all the children handle the wait in their own ways. I know River’s pattern: the scream, the crying, the lying on the floor, then the silent regulation where no one must speak.

Another child ran straight through the barrier onto the tracks, another refused to queue and positioned himself right at the front, and another wanted to go on but couldn’t when the moment came. At one point a mum gestured to us to try to explain to her son, that he was not first in the queue. I waved it off, quietly saying, “Honestly, it doesn’t matter, I’m sure you’ve had enough battles today.” She smiled and nodded, and in that moment there was that shared understanding that you only really get in those spaces.

Our turn eventually came and we all enjoyed the little journey. I did wonder how Kike was going to fit into one of the carriages, but they gave him his own seat which worked much better and was definitely Summer’s preferred way to travel.

Afterwards we went into the other part of the museum and I was so pleased to see a brand new Jolly Postman exhibit, one of my favourite books as a child. It was spotless, everything laid out beautifully, with different sections from the story brought to life.

River made a beeline straight for the witch’s house, of course he did.

He stayed there for ages, opening things, exploring, completely in his element.

The Journey Home

We stayed until closing and then repeated the journey home. River was exhausted by then and, of course, it was rush hour. At least I could give Summer to Kike, so I only had to focus on one child, but that one child felt like double the work. He kept stopping, declaring he wouldn’t walk anymore, sitting down, refusing to move. Twice getting on and off the tube, me pulling him, the screaming, the immediate guilt even though I knew I hadn’t hurt him. Somehow we made it home, I managed dinner and even a bath because he really was filthy after two tube journeys.

The moral of this story: listen to Kate. Take the pushchair. Always take the pushchair.

Day Two (A Bit Slower)

Day two, today was calmer. The morning consisted of dishwasher, washing, putting washing away, monitoring iPad usage, although Summer didn’t wake up until 10am, fully leaning into the holiday. Although she did make her own lunch, as she wanted to put into practise her DT lesson on sandwich wraps (they do learn things sometimes).

I’ve bought River a few new toys to introduce slowly over the next few days to see what sticks. Today’s offering was a Montessori light-up board, inspired by what he enjoys at his SEND stay and play.

After lunch we went to the local park (pushchair not required, just about manageable). They played happily for a while, River even made a little friend, and then we headed to our local museum for the annual Easter egg hunt.

Over the years they’ve put on some genuinely brilliant ones. One year we went back in time and the kids made hot chocolate from scratch. Another time, my personal favourite, we went on an alien hunt and the ‘host’ was sacrificed to the alien because it thought we’d stolen its eggs. Full commitment. Green smoke. A museum volunteer absolutely giving it everything..

So, I was slightly disappointed to find it was just a sheet of paper and some cardboard eggs that weren’t even hidden. Summer and her friend quickly lost interest, but to be fair, River loved it. He ran round, reading the clues, ticking them off and racing to find the next one. Their reward was a small plastic toy, no chocolate anymore apparently.

We stayed out for a bit longer, Summer had her ice cream, and we slowly made our way home for pizza and Lego Scooby-Doo.

The Bit That Still Sits With Me

At the park I met up with a mum friend and obviously I’ve seen a few holiday posts online with the similar joke of ‘It’s only Day 2…” and it hit me again that the childcare always falls on me during the holidays, not intentionally, not maliciously, but completely.

There is no part of Kike’s brain that automatically switches to, “The kids are off for two weeks, I should plan something or take a day so Sarah gets a break.” And I don’t think that’s because he doesn’t care, I think it just doesn’t occur to him in the same way it does to me.

It inevitably causes friction and a bit of resentment. But I’m getting better at spotting it earlier, saying it out loud and not letting it build into something bigger than it needs to be.

And trying to believe him when he says he didn’t mean it like that.

And The Other Thing…

All of this refection brings me back to the other reason I haven’t been writing as much. I have been writing, just not here. I’ve been editing, formatting and pulling everything together for something that’s been quietly sitting alongside all of this:

50 Days of River, The Book.

It’s taken months of shaping it, making sure it’s faithful to the blog but reads like something people would actually want to hold in their hands. And now it’s nearly ready. I’ll spend the next couple of weeks finishing it, doing a bit of promotion and then letting it go out into the world.

An actual book, which feels daunting and slightly surreal when most days still look like this, negotiating tube journeys, filling the snack bag, managing meltdowns and still watching Halloween themed programmes at the end.

Although tomorrow, I will be taking the pushchair.