It’s 5pm on Christmas Day and I’m back at the playground, listening to Disney tracks in Spanish.

So much for a traditional Christmas.

I woke up at 4am and put a few little presents at the end of each of their beds. I was awake again by 7, convinced Summer must be up but no.
8.30am, still nothing.
By 9, I decided it was time to gently wake them.

I lay in bed with River and read him his new Halloween story. Summer woke up happy with her lip balms, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Robux. No drama. No rush.

We went down for breakfast. The sun was out and it felt like a good start.

We changed into swimming things and headed to the pool. River was skipping ahead happily when he went a bit too far, so we called for him to stop.

He did stop but something shifted.

He didn’t want me to touch his swimming jacket. He didn’t want the pool. He just wanted to scream. Loud, relentless screaming. For fifteen long minutes.

Everyone around the pool was looking or at least it felt that way. Kike suggested we take him back.

I remembered what I’d written the day before. I stayed. I calmly told Kike to go into the pool with Summer. I sat with River, rocking him, breathing through the screams until he eventually went limp and lay across me.

We stayed still for over twenty minutes.

Then I stood up slowly. Walked towards the pool. Another fifteen minutes before we managed to get him in.

Fifty minutes from arriving at the pool.

Of course, that’s when the animation team appeared to announce that Santa would be visiting in forty-five minutes, on the other side of the hotel.

I asked Summer if she wanted to go. She said she’d think about it. All the children disappeared. Decision made.

So we all got out, changed quickly and went to see Santa.

The hotel has a strange backstory involving an alien and a princess, I don’t fully understand it, but twice a day these giant characters come out and dance. Today they were surrounded by elves and other non-traditional Christmas characters. But don’t fear the dance continued regardless.

River was having absolutely none of it. He announced he was leaving the hotel.

“Bye bye holiday.” He sat on the entrance steps.

I managed to coax him back inside long enough to see Santa. It was actually very sweet. Santa waved from the top of the castle, as if the reindeer had dropped him off there. River watched from a distance, wary but curious.

The children were then asked to start lining up to meet him for photos.

River was having none of it.

But as we started walking back towards our part of the hotel, Santa walked past us. He stopped, looked straight at River and said hello.

“Hello Santa,” came a very quiet voice in reply before he ran off shouting, “NO HOLIDAY!”

As we walked back toward the elevator, I felt sad. I wanted to be with Summer. I wanted to hear the music, be part of it, feel like we were there.

I stopped.

I know I can’t put my needs above River’s but surely there’s a compromise.

He was dysregulated. He wanted to go home. I couldn’t take him home but I could help him feel safer.

So we turned around.

We found a table where I could see Summer and hear the music. River was wrapped in his Halloween blanket, watching YouTube, eating gummies.

Both of us calm.

Summer and Kike joined us later and we played with those old metal puzzles where you try to separate the pieces. That took us to lunch.

Lunch was… tricky.

River saw toy cameras other children had been given by Santa.

“MY CAMERA.”

He tried to take several. Not much was eaten. Kike asked if we could buy one but the gifts were gone.

We went back to the room to reset.

Kike stayed with River while I took Summer to the pool. She played with her friends; I fell asleep for five minutes before a small visitor came to find me.

River wanted to go straight back to the room, so we did. We calmed down again, showered and I decided to try once more to leave the room and we headed for the Sports bar.

It wasn’t great but River fell fast asleep. Properly out.

Kike fetched the pushchair and we left, sharing a quiet cocktail while watching the sunset. Later, waiting in reception for dinner, the universe handed me a Christmas miracle: an abandoned Santa camera.

Dinner was calm. Mine involved steak and cava, no complaints.

We made it to the mini disco. River woke, played on his playground castle and went to bed.

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Boxing Day, Gently

Today, Kike wanted to explore. River was still dysregulated, so we took the pushchair and I’m so glad we did.

We took a short cab ride to the beach and walked along the promenade. I love being by the water. I have absolutely no desire to go near the sand or the sea (see previous blogs) but I’m very happy to sit and listen.

There are a lot of bars. Mostly bars and tourist shops. We stopped at one called Jack’s Candies and spent €10 on enormous gummies (obviously).

Then we had a drink overlooking the beach while being mildly terrorised by seagulls. I really don’t like birds.

Playground. Back to the hotel. Lunch, River refused to eat and we didn’t force it.

Back to the room with him. Pool with Summer. Foam party. She had the best time.

We managed to get a sleeping River back out by the pool so Kike and I could sit together for a bit.

Dinner. Mini disco. Playground. Evening entertainment.

This is our timetable now.

The nap helped. YouTube is finally working on the TV. River is jumping on the bed watching Halloween videos, drinking from his bottle, eating jelly I smuggled from lunch.

He’s so happy.

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Slowing Everything Down

Tomorrow is our last day. We’ve found another playground. Summer has arcade money. I’ll use the laundrette again so I don’t have washing when we get home.

I know. Wild.

Reflecting on the last couple of days, keeping with my new commitment to slowing everything down, they’ve gone well.

We put the accommodations in place:
Pushchair. Blanket. Bottle. YouTube. An excessive amount of gummies.

We didn’t rush anyone.
We had no expectations.
We celebrated the wins when they came: a quiet dinner, a found camera, a foam party, peaceful drinks by the beach.

The stillness I keep offering my child is something I’m finally learning to accept for myself.

I haven’t felt this calm (or this well) in a long time.

I’m questioning whether London is the place for us anymore but that’s a thought for next year.

I hope everyone reading had the best Christmas they could have, for them.
Everyone’s looks different. And that’s okay.