Half-Term (Progress, Not Perfection)

Early Morning Thoughts

It’s Saturday morning, 8.30 a.m. and I’m cooking croissants and cutting up strawberries for weekend breakfast. I’m feeling pretty good because it’s Half-Term.
Look how far I’ve come.

This Autumn Term has been a long eight weeks.
I’m not interested in people who complain about teachers and their time off; if it bothers you that much, be a teacher.

Sleep, Arguments and the Baby Days

This week has been especially tiring.
River has been restless, waking a couple of hours after bed and again around 3 a.m., declaring he’s awake and ready to get up.
The nights are cold and dark and staying positive takes work.

Kike and I had an argument at 4 a.m. A silly one about whether turning off River’s music caused him to wake.
It hadn’t. But exhaustion does strange things.
It brought me straight back to the baby days: half-awake nappy changes, falling asleep while milk dripped on their heads, waking in a panic to find Kike had taken them so I could sleep.
There’s a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture.

Trying to Find the Light

An advert popped up on my Instagram (obviously) one of those sunrise-mimicking alarm clocks.
I’ve always wanted one; I fully believe in S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) Kike, being from the Caribbean, also really struggles with this time of year.
I just think waking up disoriented in pitch black and cold to “MUMMY!” isn’t the best start to the day.
I can’t control the MUMMY part but a soft light might make it more bearable and I need to remember how to program the heating.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Anyway, back to this morning and how far I’ve come.
In July I started writing this blog because the thought of being off work and looking after the kids alone filled me with such anxiety I could barely get out of bed.

Now, it’s only a week but I feel okay about it.
Earlier in the week I had my usual panic that I hadn’t planned enough, started searching frantically for things to do but managed to stop myself.

We’re all tired.
We’ll play, go for walks, watch TV.
It’s Halloween on Friday.
I obviously have a couple of things booked (it is me) but mostly we’ll see where the week takes us.

Friday Night Pub

Last night after work we went to our Friday pub and met Kiran, she’s off to Australia, so we won’t see her till the New Year now.

River greeted her with “HI KIRAN” and even answered a few questions before settling into his juice and crisps.

He was dressed in his skeleton outfit as it was Spooky Dress Up Day at their school. I wasn’t worried about this one. I knew there would be no protest and he would love his day. Just to make sure it went well, I wore my Halloween dress which he loved. Summer wanted to go as Enid from ‘Wednesday’, she wasn’t so sure about the wig…

Kiran commented on how much he’s progressed in six months.

A bit later he screamed for ten minutes about his iPad because it didn’t have the charger in “MY PLUG!!!”
Kiran suggested I ride it out but I knew he wouldn’t settle and selfishly, I wanted to enjoy my friend’s company. Summer was actually using the charger so I plugged my earphones into the charging point.
Instant silence.
“Thank you, Mummy.”
You’re very welcome, River.

Kiran smiled but looked confused: “But what happens when the iPad runs out, won’t he realise?”
Nope. He just likes a wire plugged in. Why? No idea. Don’t care. Progress, not perfection.

Comments like hers make me stop and look.
When you’re in it every day, through the nights, you don’t see the changes.
You just keep going, keep repeating.
But looking back at his reports from five months ago, he really is a different boy.

End-of-Term Reflections

A few other teachers joined us, the usual spirited chats about education and how we’d fix it.
It felt like the old days, before the kids.
(Obviously they were still there but happy on their iPads.)
We were home by 8.30 p.m. for our Traitors double bill.

I even let River stay up, if he’s going to be restless, he might as well be playing and shouting at the TV like the rest of us.
Summer stayed up too and when she finally went to bed, I fell asleep on the sofa.

Pyjamas All Day

This half-term won’t be Instagram-perfect or filled with elaborate activities.
Summer woke up this morning at 8.45 a.m. and immediately asked,

“Did you mean it when you said we can stay in our pyjamas all day?”

Yes, Summer. I definitely meant it.