What a Week

The Refund Battle

What a week, it felt long and heavy.

After the phone call about the EHCP being refused by the school, I spent the rest of the week unable to shake off the tiredness. This was not helped by the sporting company being very hard to deal with when it came to getting a refund for the second session we wouldn’t be attending.

Long story shortish, they sent an email asking for feedback (a generic one I’m sure they just send to everyone). But when I clicked on it, it took me straight to a Google review page.

Now, we own a small business, I know the importance of a good review and more importantly, the impact a negative one can have. Because we felt that the session wasn’t suited to River’s needs, I didn’t want to write a review about it, just request a simple refund. So I wrote a polite email explaining this.

I received a very ChatGPT-style response about how they are inclusive for all and that no refunds were possible due to terms and conditions. No understanding or enquiry about his or my welfare. At the end it said they’d like to ask for more detailed feedback.

Well, you asked for it.

So I wrote about everything I felt they didn’t do to make it inclusive: the adaptations that weren’t made, the tone of voice and the general organisation, which would have been bad for an ordinary sports session, let alone one advertising itself as SEND-inclusive and charging £50 for two trials. I kept it light and offered suggestions for improvements.

That did not go down well.

An angry response came back: basically saying the trainer had been on lots of courses and “knew all about inclusivity,” and that her sessions were adapted. River just doesn’t listen to feedback and won’t follow instructions.

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Why do you think we were at a SEND sports session?!

Her tone and volume were acceptable for a hall-based environment, although we weren’t in a hall. When you stopped River, shouted “NO!” and he threw himself to the floor, curled up in a ball and started screaming, you held your arms in the air and started apologising. That doesn’t feel like someone who knows exactly how to speak to children.

Anyway, I realised I was becoming quite angry and like I said, I was running on emotional empty so I replied simply:

“I think we have a difference of opinion about what adaptations SEND children need. Your class, we can both agree, was not suitable for my child. If you keep my money for a session he cannot attend for the reasons we have both stated, then I think you’re morally wrong. I will be writing my next feedback publicly.”

I took a deep breath and carried on with my day.

Later that evening, £25 was in my account.

More interestingly, their Instagram adverts had changed:

“Does your SEND child struggle following instructions? Then they might need 1-1 coaching. Click here to enquire.”

Interesting…

She’s probably already mentally written her reply for when I post my public feedback and is now doing damage limitation. She said that if I wrote anything negative, I’d be ruining the opportunity for other SEND children and their parents who might not go.

So, you’d rather they find out like I did, that it’s not very good, while you pocket £50 a go from desperate families?

I haven’t decided when I’ll write the feedback, not for a while at least. The fact I got my refund and she’s already changing the information on the website about who they cater for feels like a win.

The EHCP Loop

So, with that behind me, I then wrote an email back to the council stating my concerns that River’s EHCP would need to have enough ‘hours’ attached to it, as he struggles to do many things independently.

The next day, it was sent back reassuring me that it was fine, that enough support would be in place and that the document can change depending on his needs as he gets older. I don’t know the next step now. The school refused it on Friday so I’m sure I’ll hear more on Monday.

At this point, I was very ready for the end of my working week.

The Tooth Incident

During the day on Friday, I had a missed call from school. I messaged Kike and he’d had one too. No voicemail.

I rang the office to ask if anyone had tried to call. They put me on hold for a few minutes, then the line went dead. No one rang back and it was the end of my lunch break, so I assumed it was probably about the EHCP and that they’d email me.

At 4pm, I went to collect River from after-school club. His nursery teacher came running out:

“Did they call you?”

Now, I could see River so I knew he was okay but I took a deep breath anyway.

“Yes, but they didn’t leave a message. What’s happened?”

“He’s lost a tooth.”

Sorry, what?

At lunchtime, he was crying, there was a lot of blood and his tooth was lying there.

I immediately crouched down to inspect every inch of his face. “Did he fall? Is he hurt? Did he say anything?”

Apparently not. One minute his tooth was there, the next it was completely out. Root and all, lying on the table.

The teacher added that he’s been biting the furniture a lot recently, so maybe that was it. (Later on I reflected on that’s something I should have been told sooner.)

Quick check-over, no bruising, just a big gap where a tooth had been that morning.

“River ok?”
“Yes. Quavers and home.”

“River lost a tooth?”
“Yes. Quavers and home.”

“What happened to River’s tooth?”
“NO! Mummy see? NO! River ok? Yes. Quavers and home.”

So, Quavers were eaten and home we went.

Communication Gaps

This is one of the biggest challenges we face, though we’re so grateful that River is communicating verbally more now.

We never fully know what he’s feeling or thinking. He can’t always tell us when he’s hurt or how it happened. I can try a few scripts but often he just repeats my words.

Once he was settled at home, I tried again to get a bit more information. I asked about biting the table but didn’t get much response.
“Tooth gone,” he said and I think that’s all we’ll get.

Over the weekend, Kike and I talked about it and we’re both a bit upset about how it was communicated to us.

I’m not upset that it happened, kids loose teeth, they fall, they get hurt. But River can’t advocate for himself. He can’t show me his tooth and ask for it to go under his pillow for the tooth fairy. He can’t tell me if it hurt, or if it scared him.

If his teacher hadn’t kindly waited to tell me, I might have only found out at bedtime that he was missing a tooth.

These are the things that scare me the most, the moments when he can’t tell me what’s wrong. That’s why I’m so cautious about who I leave him with. I don’t like to think of him being scared, hurt, or worried and unable to communicate it.

We’ll keep working on his communication in whatever way he shows us – including biting furniture. We know we’re fortunate that, in time, he’ll be able to tell us more about his day. I know many families might never get that level of communication from their children.

Weekend Reset

Saturday was needed.

I’d planned to go to the museum but when we woke up at 7.30am, I wasn’t in the mood to get on public transport.

Summer went to jiu-jitsu as normal and Kate came to the rescue bringing pumpkins to carve.

We’ve been having so much fun decorating the house (I’ll post some bits on Instagram). Pumpkin carving went down very well and Kate, ever the professional, made both children plan their designs, talk about them, list the equipment needed and draw them before carving.

River did so well, he held his attention much longer than normal. He was excited, especially because it was on his favourite subject. He did not like the part where we had to empty the pumpkin (to be fair, neither did Summer).

He was thrilled with his finished product. Kate and I laughed at how he’d designed a pumpkin that just looks like it’s shouting!

Traitors double bill in the evening and it made for a perfect Saturday.

Looking Ahead

So that was the week, a long one, full of emails, emotions and the kind of tiredness that seeps into your bones.

Next week, they’ll be more emails, more long discussions and probably something new to chase up.

There will always be challenges but there will also always be Quavers.
But it’s still Halloween season and The Traitors is back, so balance is restored, for now.