A Family of Sport

Yesterday, we tried something new. We really want River to be able to enjoy and join in with sports. Kike has been an athlete all of his life, always being in teams, gaining a basketball scholarship, finding a love of jiu-jitsu and now obviously owning his CrossFit gym.

Believe it or not, I was very into sport when I was young. Captain of the teams, competing locally. There was once a scout sent from the England Hockey Team to see me play. Sadly sport was stopped for me due to what we now know as my EDS but back then it was just a lot of hospitals, doctors and physiotherapists who told me I just wasn’t allowed anymore.

The point is, Kike and I both agree that sport is an important part of life. You need it to stay healthy and strong but more than that, it enables you to work hard at something, work as a team, learn to lose and not give up. So many life skills.

Summer loves her jiu-jitsu and gymnastics and she’s recently developed an interest in football – let’s see how long that lasts.

River and Sport

From a young age River showed very high gross motor skills. For those of you not working in education, that basically means he walked very early and that progressed into running. He shows good balance, can jump with two feet and can climb up various things. He learnt to catch very early and is still much better than Summer at that skill. He can kick a ball with precision and get it into a net.

Here comes the ‘problem’. He either can’t or won’t follow the instructions of what to do with a ball or where to run, where to climb and when to stop. So this makes joining a group activity almost impossible.

Now, I know he’s only four and autistic, so I’d already moved on from this. He wouldn’t be joining jiu-jitsu yet and no Saturday morning sports clubs for him. But then an advert appeared on my Instagram:

SEN Sports – Inclusive sporting activities for children.

I had a look and it was just up the road! I had to try it. So, I signed up River for two trial sessions.

The First Session

We all headed off because I didn’t know exactly where I was going and we were both interested to see what it looked like. When we arrived at the destination, we were lost. I spotted a couple of other lost-looking parents with autistic children and together we eventually found the place, a first-floor room in a school building.

The trainer was very enthusiastic and ushered us in. Summer was given her iPad and food bribes as I explained that this activity was just for River and we were there to support him. She was a bit put out but then she found the chocolate brioche and moved on.

River was running round and round the mats being his happy little self. I’d explained that he was going to do “sport” (as I had no idea what he’d actually be doing).

The session began and we were asked to make a circle and do the Hokey Cokey. I’ve written about River’s dislike of joining in circles, so that was never going to happen. I found myself holding hands with another mum, smiling awkwardly whilst turning around and shaking it all about, watching River find a giant Connect 4 in the corner and play with that. I released myself from the circle and went to get him.

Ok, so he didn’t want to do the first thing, that’s fine.

Next up: walking, or in River’s case skipping, to music and freezing. He loved this! Not so much the freezing part or when they changed it so he was supposed to sit down when the music stopped but the music and skipping – very much so.

Then onto what I assume is more of the skills-based part of the lesson. The instructor got some mini hurdles out and wanted the kids to step or jump over them. The group was small and they split us in two, one group doing hurdles and one group jumping on squares on a floor ladder.

The Struggle

River has no issue jumping and it was clear that this is something he does not share with the other children there. There were clearly some physical development delays and some struggle to step over an obstacle.

The issue with River was, he didn’t see the point. Once he’d jumped over them, he ran to the other group, jumped into all the squares and then went back to running round the room. The instructor could see that he was ready for the next part and tried to get him to do it a different way, levelling up the skill but he wasn’t interested. He’d done it and now wanted to do something different.

He also showed no awareness of space or others, constantly going in the wrong direction and nearly bumping into others, which he would have done if not for me.

At one point the instructor stopped him and said something like “You have to slow down, one at a time” in regards to the hurdles. This did not go down well. She didn’t say it in a sing-song voice, he doesn’t know her and there was a lot going on.

He immediately shut down. Sat on the floor, crying. She started apologising.
“Don’t worry, he’s fine. He has to learn,” I said, but I knew we weren’t going to come back from this.

Kike got up (he was sitting with Summer) and tried to rescue the situation. The bribery came out.
“I’ll give you a gummy if you try again.”
“GUMMY! YES PLEASE!”
“OK, one at a time.”
“NO! I DON’T LIKE IT!”

And he went back to his Connect 4.

Kike shrugged. He didn’t have high hopes from the start.

As I went to try one more time, I heard some of the other parents who were getting similar pushback.
“If you don’t try, I’ll take away your iPad.”
“Just keep trying, you can have your snack.”

Time to Go

I sat with River.
“River, want to jump?”
He looked at me. “I don’t like sports, I want home.”

Ok then. Home we will go.

The one-hour, £25 trial session, we lasted 15 minutes.

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Reflecting on It

As usual, I’m writing this because I’m trying to reflect on what happened. What went well, what could have gone better and how we move forward.

River is very energetic. He loved the movement and the music. He actually loved the hurdles, just not in the way he was being asked to use them. Maybe now he’s seen them, we can build on that.

He is very physically able compared to the other children that were there, so that is something to be very grateful for. I’m sure those parents must have a lot of physical exercises they have to keep up with along with everything else.

What Makes It Accessible?

I guess my question is: What made this more accessible? Apart from having only SEND children there, I didn’t really see any difference to an ordinary P.E. lesson. Which, if River could join in with those, he wouldn’t need this?

Would a run-down of the activities to parents beforehand have been helpful, so I could have prepped him a bit more?
Clearer transitions from each activity. I mean, he only made it through three but it was quite chaotic.
Knowing not to stop a child with a loud voice and then try to teach them a skill without any non-verbal strategies.

Maybe I’m asking too much. I just couldn’t help but look at the tired faces of the other parents, the excited chatter before we entered, so hopeful.
“I’m so pleased people are starting to do things like this,” a dad said to me as we walked in.

Only for it to be the same story, the adults running around after their children, trying to get them to do something they can’t or won’t do.

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The Bigger Picture

My writing isn’t here to solve this problem. It’s all my jumbled thoughts trying to process it.

Some might say: You should have made him stay. How else will he learn? Sometimes children have to do things they don’t like.

But why?

I loved sport (not all sport, I still hate running). I didn’t get made to stay; I wanted to stay. I could follow verbal instructions and I enjoyed being around other people.

River is not starting at the same level. Adaptations have to be made from the start or we are setting him up to fail. I don’t want to hear him say “I don’t like sport” because we’ve forced something he is clearly communicating he isn’t enjoying.

River is very young. Maybe he’s not ready yet. Maybe he might never be ready for a sport class like that, who knows?

I’m pleased groups like this are being created and I hope they are very successful. But I think they need to be clearer on what exactly they are offering to make them truly accessible for SEND children.

A Final Thought

Maybe it’s not about trying to fit River into every opportunity but finding the spaces that already fit him. And if they don’t exist yet maybe one day, with enough listening and learning, they will.