Day 45: Potty Progress and Finding Myself

Broken Night

River’s night was broken. Twice he wet through his sheets. I’m not sure what caused it.

To be clear, River isn’t fully potty trained yet. Last summer we worked so hard on this as he was starting Nursery and I knew what children at that age are supposed to do. At the time, he was only just starting to talk. So instead of pushing for words, we focused on communication. If he needed the toilet, he could take our hand and lead us there. That way we knew he understood the need.

Little by little, we built the word “potty.” And now, today, he’ll say, “I need potty” (thank you, YouTube, though we’re still working on saying “toilet”). We still have to undress him, help him onto the toilet, then re-dress him but that’s further than I ever imagined we’d be last summer.

He still wears a “bedtime diaper,” because I can’t expect him to be dry through the night yet. Sometimes he is, sometimes not. And as I’ve said before, he’s only just moved from his cot into a toddler bed. Technically he can get out and go to the toilet himself now but he doesn’t. He’s not ready for that step and that’s OK.

The Potty Debate

It’s an interesting debate. We were even talking about it in the staff room today. With my background teaching young children, I’ve seen how much pressure there is on families. The headlines scream “Children aren’t toilet trained = lazy parenting!” but that’s simply not true. There have always been children who don’t fit neatly into a chart or timeline designed by someone who probably never had children of their own.

I actually love the way comedian Katherine Ryan talks about potty training, how she starts it almost from birth. I think that’s amazing. And it works for her and her family. But every child, every parent, every household is different. What works for one doesn’t always work for another and that’s fine. None of us should feel judged for the timeline our child is on.

For River, this journey has taken work. Patience. Repetition. Many damp mattresses and cleaning of sheets . And every tiny step. River saying “potty,” or sitting without a meltdown, or even just letting me help is progress. Hard-earned but real.

From my professional side, I know how important it is for children to have an understanding of hygiene and simply we do not have the time or staff to be taking every child to the toilet all day.

From my personal side, I know how much persistence it can take to get there. River was capable of learning, so we worked at it, our way, at his pace. And I’m proud of how far he’s come.

River’s Day with Kate

I went to work today, moving between different classes. I even spent some time in Reception helping new children settle in, which made me feel even more confident about River repeating Nursery this year.

River’s day was lovely too, the sun was out and Kate took him to the park. Not so much for the playground but for the woods nearby. Knowing his love of The Gruffalo, she made it an adventure: a walk in the “deep dark wood.” At one point he found a nut, decided it was the best nut, threw it and then spent ages trying to find that exact one again. Classic River.

We all met at our Friday pub later. Kate finds it hilarious that whenever she asks River where he wants to go, he replies: “The pub.” When he spotted us, he ran in and shouted, “MY FAMILY!” It was the perfect way to end the week.

Finding My Balance

As I sat here tonight, tired but content, it struck me: going back to work doesn’t take me away from being a mum, it actually makes me a better one.

When I only exist in the role of “Mummy,” I run myself into the ground. I get depleted, resentful, guilty. But when I have space to be me as well: the professional, the colleague, the teacher, the friend. I come home more balanced. I can laugh at River’s chaos instead of only feeling drained by it. I can enjoy Summer’s endless chatter about hobbies instead of just hearing it as more noise at the end of a long day.

It isn’t about choosing between being a mum and being myself. It’s about finding the rhythm that lets me be both. And this week, for the first time in a while, I feel like that is possible again.

And of course, I have to say it, River’s journey this week has only been made smoother because of Kate. She’s poured her energy into preparing him for what’s ahead, gently challenging him, keeping him on track and giving him the space to practise the skills he’ll need. It hasn’t been easy for her but what a difference it’s made.

So this evening, it’s Friday! We made it through the first week. It’s not all been perfect for everyone but we did it. Time for us to celebrate – Kate is off the clock but is still bringing me wine whilst I write when I message her because she loves me.