Day 43: First Steps Back to Nursery

A Rocky Start

River had a restless night, waking upset and by 6am I was up changing his soaked clothes and bedding. He lay quietly under his red blanket, clearly shaken, while I tried to balance getting him calm and ready with also preparing Summer for her first day back at school.

The mention of Nursery was met with repeated “NO NURSERY!” and deep breaths on my part. I changed tactics, reminding him that we’d drop Summer off first and then there would be cake afterwards. That eventually swung it. He climbed happily into his pushchair, knowing exactly what “bye bye Summer” meant.

Cake Before Courage

We all walked to Summer’s new Year 4 line and I had to split myself in two. My daughter’s first day with her new teacher and River becoming agitated by the wait. Thankfully, Summer gave me the “you can go” look, which I think was more ‘I’m in Year 4 and you’re embarrassing me look.’ Kissed me quickly and I left her with her friends.

River and I headed to the café, where Kate met us. He was beaming, choosing banana cake (until he discovered the hidden blueberries), asking politely, waiting patiently, and eating it with a fork. Small wins like that gave me hope for the morning ahead.

Back Through the Nursery Gates

At the nursery gate, River bolted in with excitement. He headed straight to his favourite area, socks and shoes off, onto his special couch. He didn’t need me there, if anything, my presence puzzled him.

It’s a strange ache, being both deeply grateful that he has such a strong attachment to Nursery and also feeling unwanted as his mum in that space. He only paused briefly to wonder why I hadn’t gone.

The moment that brought tears: a friend arrived and River ran up shouting “HI FRIEND, LET’S PLAY!” He remembered the script. They only played for three minutes before he drifted off but it happened. That was enough.

“I Want Home”

River explored the different activity stations but soon said: “I want home.”
We were only 20 minutes in. I managed another 10 minutes of distraction but he was firm. Shoes and socks back on and we left.

35 minutes. From “NO NURSERY!” at home, to 35 minutes inside, that’s a huge win in my book. He’s not back properly till next week but I’m quietly confident. If I’m not involved and his space is set up, he’ll settle in again.

Recovery Mode

On the way back, I left for work while River went home with Kate. She told me later that he lay silently on the sofa for 40 minutes, completely drained, before asking for his iPad and some lunch.

It was a lot for one morning. And it will be a lot again next week when he returns properly. But I’m quietly confident. He knows the space, he remembers his friends and as long as his routines are respected and I’m not the one doing drop-off, I think he’s going to be OK.

Reflection

I’ll keep this brief. It’s all a bit close to home right now.

Every September I help settle other people’s children into school but it’s not the same for my own. For River, the steps are smaller, the emotions are bigger and the wins look different. 35 minutes might not sound like much but for him and me, it was huge.