Day 41: First Day Back

My alarm went off at 7am this morning – yep, an alarm. The first day back at work for me was the first day River decided to sleep past 7am! I crept into his room to check and there he was, fast asleep… only for a few minutes though. He must have sensed my presence.

I got myself ready and put my bag on. That signals that I’m leaving. I sat down and said, “Mummy go to work. Kay-Kay will look after you.”
“Bye Bye Mummy.”
All fine. I’m not sure how much he really understood but the important thing is he coped. He’s getting better at me leaving, which feels like such progress.

An hour later, I got a message from “Kay-Kay” herself (Kate): “He was so happy to see me and has been so chatty!” That little update was exactly what I needed to properly settle into my day.

Reclaiming Myself

This was probably the first September in years that I’ve been genuinely excited to go back to work. Honestly, I almost skipped there. I passed the tired, apprehensive faces of colleagues trudging in after the long summer break. But me? I was hugging everyone, lapping up stories of holidays, just thrilled to be surrounded by people again.

During our training, we were asked: why do we do our jobs?

The unpopular but truthful answer is: the mortgage.

But when I spoke, I said something that feels even truer:
“Moving past the reason about enriching children’s lives etc. (always with the opening joke)… I come to work to remind myself I’m not just someone’s mum. I’m a professional. I enjoy working. I enjoy being around other people and being part of something bigger than just my family.”

And that kind of brings us full circle. From the nervous anticipation of the long summer holidays: the walls closing in, the YouTube repetition, the lack of social contact, the endless meal prep and constant cleaning – to today. The first day back.

I can reclaim some independence. I can enjoy teaching children, having conversations with adults and feeling my world open up again. Yes, the other jobs are still waiting at home. Yes, it’s exhausting. But with this balance, life feels more manageable.

Meanwhile, Back at Home

So, how was River’s day?

I came home to Halloween TV, iPad tucked away and Kate looking a little tired. “We had a good morning, the afternoon was more tricky.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I know River isn’t easy but there’s a quiet affirmation in seeing other people find him tiring too. It reminds me it’s not all in my head and it’s not just me.

Kate had stuck to the quiet morning routine and then decided to be adventurous. She set up a “restaurant” in the garden and River even joined in some role-play with Summer. I found a cereal box that had been transformed into a Jack-o’-lantern, complete with little ghosts to post through its mouth.

Kate knows what’s coming. She knows River is heading back to Nursery soon and that he’ll need encouragement to try things he wouldn’t usually choose. He doesn’t like holding pencils or crayons but he’ll happily sit near someone who colours. And maybe, just maybe, if it’s Halloween-themed, he might sneak in a scribble when no one’s watching. Every tiny step is progress.

After lunch, the rain arrived, so Kate set up an indoor den. That was a little too much for him. If Summer hadn’t been there, maybe it would have worked but with her around, he got overexcited. He piled things onto the roof until it collapsed, then declared himself “hurt” (not really), cried and repeated the cycle again and again.

To calm things, Kate resorted to Halloween TV and that’s when I walked through the door.

Grateful for Kate

I’m so thankful to have Kate this week. The kids adore her but more than that, she gets it. She understands the curriculum, the expectations waiting for River at Nursery and she’s preparing him in little ways. That’s such a gift.

And she managed to avoid the dreaded afternoon nap with an emergency packet of Quavers, so bedtime went smoothly.

Finding the Rhythm Again

Meanwhile, I finalised Summer’s timetable for next week: Streetdance, Mindfulness, Cookery, Gardening, Gymnastics, Jiu-jitsu. This girl could not possibly have any more hobbies if she tried!

By dinner, the wave of tiredness had hit me. The high of being back, the chatter with colleagues, the school training and then coming home to juggle dinner, prescriptions and two excitable children, it all caught up with me.

But it’s a good kind of tired. The kind that comes from having more than one role to play again. From stepping out of the house and into another part of myself. From starting the process of finding our family rhythm again after a long, messy summer.

Tomorrow, the alarm will go off and I’ll do it all again. And, surprisingly, I’m pretty happy about that.