Morning Calm

The day started slowly, Summer asking for new games to be downloaded on her iPad. River was content with his usual. At 9.30am the mood became more energetic, the iPad had died! Suddenly, it was lots of ‘Monkey on the Bed’ and acrobatics. I split my head open when I was little doing exactly that, so I’m always a bit cautious but he loves it so much. Time to get them out.

A Playdate (and Water Balloons)

Summer had a playdate, so we got ourselves dressed and headed over. It was a friend from school and fortunately I’m also friends with the mum. The girls were very happy to see each other with Summer showing off her shorter hair and tan. River was excited to be in a new house and went straight for the garden. They had water balloons.

It was 30 very fun minutes of filling balloons, throwing them at the fence or popping them with a stick. Summer wasn’t thrilled about River joining in on her playdate and arguments began. It was time for us to go. I managed another 15 minutes of chat after the long cry about the balloons being put away and sending Summer upstairs, but eventually the inevitable came: “I want to go home.” Which was fine. After all, it was Summer’s playdate.

Energy Crash

We walked to the shops and then home. Once we were in, it hit me, the dizziness. The excitement of yesterday had masked how much energy it took. No more spoons left. That’s OK. We’ve done a lot. TV went on, good ole CBeebies. It less annoying than constant YouTube and it’s definitely more educational. And that’s how it stayed for the rest of the day.

Reflection: Real Life vs Social Media

It did make me think this evening that I hope anyone reading my blog doesn’t ever feel like they’re not doing enough. I started writing this to help me process my own anxiety of spending long days with River, to find SEND days out that might actually work for us and to share the day-to-day reality of how much energy it takes just to keep everyone safe and fed.

But with shiny social media the pressure is always there. And the algorithm doesn’t miss, it knows you’re a parent and it will serve you up an endless carousel of “perfect families.”
If you’re a parent online you better be producing nutritious, colourfully presented meals (preferably in bento boxes), have your children in coordinated clothes, document at least one wholesome activity a day: a hike, a board game, homemade crafts in a spotless house. And that’s for any parent.

Now add SEND into the mix. The pressure is doubled, maybe tripled. You’re told you should also be doing daily fine motor activities, sensory play setups worthy of Pinterest, intensive speech and language exercises, OT stretches, physio routines and then share it online with a #autismmum or #sensoryplay hashtag and an inspirational caption about resilience.

The thing is, even if you are good at doing those things, even if you really do have colour-coded flashcards and homemade playdough, that’s still just a tiny curated slice of your day. It’s not the hours of screaming, the negotiations over which juice is the acceptable colour today, the exhaustion that knocks you sideways after one successful outing.

So today? We walked Summer to her friend’s house, River popped some water balloons and then he watched about five hours of TV while eating beige snacks on the sofa. I even slept for a bit. Do I think I’m a terrible parent? No. Do I think I could do better? No, not today. He’s happy, safe, and fed. And I’m less tired, so we’ve got a good chance for tomorrow to go well.

Does it make for interesting blogging? No, not really. And for that I can only apologise and aim to do better. I’ll make sure I sign us both up to something that will definitely be hell for both of us but will make for excellent reading.