Day 21: The Fine Line Between Helicopter Parenting and Chaos

Morning Mood: Realising I’m Doing Too Much

I woke up grumpy today. Not “wrong side of the bed” grumpy, more “why am I packing everyone’s emotional and physical suitcases all the time” grumpy.

Even on holiday, I’m making sure everyone has what they need for breakfast, that iPads are charged, that Summer’s at her swimming lessons on time, that River’s got his drink and comfort items… and then repeating it all for the pool.

By the time we were getting ready for breakfast, I’d snapped:
“If you don’t know where your swimming costume is – LOOK!”
“I don’t know what you want for breakfast. There’s loads of choices – pick one!”

It hit me mid-rant: I’ve trained them into depending on me for every single thing. I have to do more for River, it’s part of keeping him safe but maybe I’ve fallen into doing exactly the same for Summer out of habit.

And Kike? I’m not sure he even knows how to break the system where I act as family PA, logistics manager and emotional support department all rolled into one.

I thought about the school “calm corners” I’ve worked in, the ones where the whole point is to help kids self-regulate and problem-solve, not jump in to fix things at the first wobble. I preach it to other people’s children all the time. But with my own? I’ve been doing the opposite.

So today, I decided, would be a small experiment. I’d step back. Let them figure out what they need. Stop hovering. See what happens.

Experiment: Less Hovering, More Trust

After breakfast, it was back to the water park: eat, swim, repeat.
Today’s plan: stay a little further back. Kike and I still stationed ourselves at the top and bottom of the pirate ship slides, but we weren’t micromanaging every step.

For the first 20 minutes, it was bliss. Watching both kids interact without me anxiously anticipating disaster was… freeing. I even sat down for ten whole minutes.

Then, of course, it went wrong.
River loves to walk across the bottom section of the slides, dangerous and strictly off-limits. Usually, if I’m close enough, a sharp “No, thank you!” stops him instantly. But I wasn’t close enough this time.

He looked around, clocked my absence and stepped right into the danger zone.
Simultaneously, Summer ran across the top deck of the pirate ship and before Kike could intercept, shot down the slide, straight into River’s path.

It all happened in slow motion: River launched into the air, somersaulted, then landed with a thud back onto the slide. Screaming. Lifeguard running over. Summer emerging with a bloody lip.

Both kids were fine after a tense ten minutes of checking them over (Summer on her second ice lolly for the pain) but River was shaken, head buried in my chest for nearly an hour until he quietly whispered, “I’m sorry, Summer.” The hotel has provided us with a sensory bag to use while we’re here. It was enough to get him to sit with Daddy so I could be freed.

So… How Much Freedom is Too Much?

And this is the crux of it:
Do I keep allowing more independence, knowing accidents will happen? Or is that just inviting chaos?

I still think I need to step back in certain areas, let them take more responsibility, figure things out but maybe not at water parks. There’s a difference between “empowering independence” and “letting your child become a human pinball.”

Kike and I did agree on one thing: we’re very glad it was Summer. (Sorry, Summer.)

Afternoon Calm: Sensory Room & Small Wins

While Summer went to her swimming lesson, I had 30 minutes to myself watching aqua fitness from the pool. Lovely.

After lunch, River and I spent a whole hour in the sensory room, his longest stretch yet. He even picked up some books to look through. We had visitors today: a boy who paced around while his parents and I chatted. They’d chosen the hotel for the same reasons we had. We both agreed: the place isn’t quite ready for the full volume of SEND families it’s attracting but it’s a start.

Evening Wind-Down: Naked TV & Sand Dread

The rest of the day was lazy, Kike and I ended up sitting in the air-con watching Naked and Afraid. If you don’t know, it’s a reality show where pairs of total strangers have to survive the extreme environment and dangerous wildlife of the wilderness – while naked, obviously. I love weird reality TV.

Pools in the late afternoon: Summer showing off her new skills, River quietly “borrowing” other kids’ toys when they weren’t looking. That worked fine until one child did notice and asked for it back. River… was not pleased. (Photo evidence provided.)

Shower, dinner, and tonight’s entertainment: the singing four are back, this time with some plot about AI robots. I’m sure it will be a masterpiece.

Tomorrow’s Change of Scenery

Tomorrow we’re shaking things up, we’re going to the beach. Yes, the actual beach because we are actually abroad.

I’m doing a reccie tonight to check seating and access, because here’s the thing: I loathe sand. Hate it. The feel of it on my feet, the way it sneaks into your clothes, your hair, your food and you find it still in your house 3 months later.

But we’re going anyway, paddling in the sea, maybe a sandcastle. Memories and all that jazz. Then back to our happy routine.

The plan: make the memories, then return to the safe, predictable embrace of our “eat, swim, repeat” routine. Because as much as I’m learning to step back, I still sleep better when the chaos is my chaos.