Day 20: Eat, Swim, Repeat

Too Noisy, Thank You Very Much

I didn’t honestly think River would be asleep by 8pm, not with the bass from the entertainment stage shaking the walls. And I was right. Ten minutes later he was back on his rocky racetrack, tiptoeing his favourite loop, completely in his element.

He wandered over to the stage a couple of times to check out what was going on. But each time he got within a few metres, he’d clap his hands over his ears, shout “TOO NOISY!”, laugh, and scuttle back to his track.

We let him burn himself out naturally. Back in bed by 9pm and this time, he was straight out. Grandma was on sleep duty. Summer, Kike and I snuck out to see the evening performance of Ever After: a four-person show of Disney hits. There was a plot, I think, but I was far too busy belting out the songs to follow it. The costume changes were lightning fast and the Encanto medley got the loudest cheer from us.

The Sleep-In Miracle

Back in the room for 10pm. Summer curled up with her podcast. Kike and I set up camp on our balcony, doing casual bar runs and chatting about the day. It’s the only time we have that’s just us – even if the kids are a few feet away.

And then – we all slept until 9am. That’s a record. I’d like to credit the relaxed holiday pace, but if I’m honest, my sleep might have had more to do with the Prosecco.

Breakfast was a civilised affair. Then, at 10:35, it was straight to the water park. The same security guard from yesterday spotted River and jokingly pretended it was closed. Sweet, but please don’t joke about closures with a child like River, you’re playing with fire. Luckily, he didn’t even notice and just strode right past to open the door himself.

Water Park, Take Two

The first half-hour was perfect. The sun was out, the water was refreshing, and River was back with his favourite red slide. He only kicked one child, (she was taking her sweet time going down the slide) but it was starting to get busy. We managed a full hour before heading back to the room for some naked iPad time.

Summer, meanwhile, had her first swimming lesson of the day. We regrouped for lunch, followed by an hour in the sensory room (always a win) and her second swimming lesson. By 3pm, it was time for the daily pool split: River in the baby pool, Summer in the big pool.

Is This It?

At one point, Kike sat on the edge of the baby pool, watching River collect and said, “So… is this it?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The holiday.”
“Well, yeah. Eat, sit, eat, swim, eat, drink. That’s the itinerary.”

It led us into the same conversation we have often: what would we do if we didn’t have River here?
I’d take a boat trip, there’s a sunset cruise I’ve been eyeing up but there’s no way I’m taking him out to sea. Kike would wander into town, find a proper Spanish restaurant, chat to locals in a bar. He also reminded me, again, that some of his favourite DJs were playing just 45 minutes away last night. Instead, he got me harmonising at full volume to Let It Go.

What We Would Do If…

It’s not just a SEND parent thought, most parents have these moments. When you have small people, your needs go second. With River, the work just doubles. You’re never fully sure what makes him happy, but you are sure you have to keep him safe every single minute.

I’ve always wanted to go to Japan. Summer would adore it, robot cafés, sushi, a traditional tea ceremony. Kike dreams about more Caribbean islands and new European cities. We’ll get there one day. Just not yet. Honestly, the fact that we’re here is huge. Six months ago, I wouldn’t have believed it was possible.

Not Looking “Autistic Enough”

Last night, after the show, I found myself people-watching again. It’s a busy resort and new families arrive every day, but I keep spotting the signs. The sunflower lanyards. The ipads glued to hands. The tiptoe walkers. The quiet corner sitters. You can tell when another family’s doing the same dance we are.

It reminded me of something my mum used to say about River, especially when he was younger: “He doesn’t look autistic.” The first couple of times, I let it slide. I knew she didn’t mean harm, it’s just how people have been conditioned to think. But eventually we talked about it. About how outdated that idea is. About how dangerous it is, actually.

Because what is autism supposed to “look” like? A meltdown in the supermarket? Rocking in a corner? No eye contact? Non-verbal? Sure, those can be part of it but so can speaking in full sentences, playing with friends, or joining in a group game for five minutes before deciding it’s “too noisy.”

River can talk. He’s physically capable. He doesn’t always have obvious stimming behaviours and sometimes, in the right environment, he blends in. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t autistic. It doesn’t mean the work behind the scenes is any less, or that he doesn’t still need adjustments to make his world make sense.

And here’s the uncomfortable bit I keep circling back to: if he did look “more autistic” by people’s standards, if he flapped his hands more, or spun in circles, or screamed when overwhelmed. Would strangers be more willing to make allowances? Would they believe me faster? Would they pity him? Would they write off his potential without even speaking to him?

That’s the thing about hidden differences: they’re invisible until they’re not and in that space, assumptions grow.

What I wish people understood is this: the spectrum isn’t a ladder from “not very autistic” to “very autistic.” It’s a massive, complicated web and each person’s position on it is unique. The easy, throwaway “oh, but he doesn’t look autistic” isn’t a compliment, it’s a misunderstanding of what autism is.

What is nice, though, is that here, in this little bubble of a resort, there’s a shorthand between parents. The knowing nods by the pool. The reassuring smiles when your child’s iPad is blaring during dinner. The complete lack of side-eye when a meltdown hits. You don’t have to explain. They just… get it.

Maybe We Are Doing Something

So yes, day three of the holiday is nearly done. No, we’re not doing much in the way of sightseeing.
But maybe we are doing something important. Widening River’s world, adding new experiences and proving to ourselves that this kind of trip can work.