Day 7: Out of Spoons Before 9am

Sleepless Nights & Empty Fridges

We both had a bad night’s sleep last night. Kike was tossing and turning and we both woke up unrested. River, however, seemed a bit brighter, settling happily into his fruit-heavy breakfast (at least it’s healthy, right?). I looked in the fridge. Empty. Again. Stupid holidays. Thank goodness for the freezer, frozen croissants for Summer and a lucky-dip lunch for her and Kike. Once bags were packed and goodbyes said, the wave of exhaustion hit. I was back in bed by 8:45am.

I opened my emails, my body already hurting. Out of spoons. And it’s not even 9am.

A Friend With UNO

Then I remembered, help was on the way. A friend was coming round to be with River so we could avoid another theatre drop-off meltdown. Just knowing I wouldn’t have to push the pushchair gave me enough energy to shower and ask Summer to start getting ready.

My friend arrived with lunch and UNO for River. I smiled. “Give it a go.”
When it was time to leave, of course, it didn’t go well. Tears, screaming, pushchair escape attempts. That tight, guilty feeling started to rise in my chest but she calmly told me to go. “It’s not my first rodeo.” And she’s right. She’s raised four boys.

I stood outside the front door for a minute, listening to the wailing. It started to fade. Summer needed to go. I messaged: “I can come back quickly.” The reply came: After a long hug, he’s fine. Followed shortly by, What’s the iPad passcode? UNO may have been optimistic.

Letting Go (Just a Little)

I find leaving River really hard. Not because I don’t trust people, I’m surrounded by friends who are teachers, but because I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t cope. Summer helps now, becoming his translator but I also don’t want her to feel she has to be responsible for him. And River has come so far in expressing himself: “I need potty,” “I have a boo boo.” and the oh so dramatic “I’m so very thirsty.” but there’s still a lot he can’t communicate clearly.

Recently, we even found a babysitter. A teaching assistant from my school, visiting from Australia. I immediately liked her when I met her and she was employed to support SEND children. The first time she met the family at the pub, River placed his iPad next to her and started touching her face to show her his programme. That’s his love language. Summer was instantly obsessed too: young, beautiful, makeup reels on Instagram. Basically, a star. It’s meant a few much-needed nights out for Kike and me. She’s off travelling for the summer now (as she should be!) so no date nights for a bit.

A Nap for Two

When I got back from drop-off, my friend stayed for lunch and garden time. River played happily with his water tray, but by 2pm the fatigue hit again. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I picked up the iPad.

“Mummy’s bed?”
“Yes,” River replied.

I lay down, Halloween music in the background and immediately fell asleep. I woke with a jolt but River was curled up next to me, sound asleep. He needed a rest too. We didn’t need to go anywhere today.

We stayed like that until 4pm. I know he’ll be up late tonight. But we both needed it. Later, we discovered a new Halloween show – The Mik Maks?, complete with an overly animated woman who River adored. Then Kike and Summer came home.

Solo Parts & Snapped Responses

Summer was buzzing, she’s been given a solo part in Little Shop of Horrors. She’s never seen it, so we’re planning to watch it tonight. I haven’t seen it in years. I hope it holds up, though she’ll probably think it’s ancient.

I’d sorted the kids’ dinner and was staring at the fridge again, still empty. Kike walked into the kitchen.

“Do you want me to make dinner?”
“I’m trying to figure out what we can have,” I replied.
“We’ve got some leeks, there’s the cauliflower…”
“Do you have a dinner suggestion, or are you just going to helpfully tell me the ingredients we have?”

Not my finest moment. He quietly exited the kitchen, understanding the mood. I wasn’t angry at him, I was just still tired. He cleaned the lounge and set up the garden with the jiujitsu mats.

Meanwhile, I committed to a TikTok recipe, swapping in whatever we actually had. While I cooked, I heard squeals of laughter from outside. Summer and Kike were rolling around on the mats, River flapping happily by the water tray, occasionally diving in for a pile-on. They all happily played in the garden for nearly an hour allowing me to clean up the kitchen in peace and write this.

Learning Each Other’s Limits

Our family works because we’re learning each other’s boundaries and limits. We can’t control most things in a day, but we’re learning how to give space, when to be quiet, when not to push.

People often ask me: “What do I do if River starts screaming or hitting?”
And I always say: don’t do anything. Stop talking. Don’t ask questions. Stay nearby, let him know you’re there, but give him space. When he’s ready, he’ll come to you. Then you give him the tightest squeeze and let him know he’s okay.

I think that’s what Kike did for me this evening.